You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
