So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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