I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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