Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize