I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
