Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
