dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
