Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
