oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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