i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
