Porn is love you can see.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
