So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
