Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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