Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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