Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
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I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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