Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
A+ Viking dick
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