not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
