Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
