dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
