at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
