hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
