then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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