just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
