I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
