I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
