im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.