When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
