Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.