he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.