In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He passed out mid-signature
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So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
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I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.