My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
