Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
