I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
