I must be too annoying 4 u.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
