yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
