i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
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My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
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I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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