I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
