Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
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My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize