I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
