He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize