So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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