Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
