Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
