How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
