dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
