I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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