She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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