I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
