no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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