it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
