I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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