id be glad to
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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