omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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