Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
