3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
