Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
