I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
