So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
