all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
