You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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