just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize