We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
