and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
