it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
