i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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