after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We just shotgunned beers for America
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
